In order to play golf you need golf clubs that have been professionally fitted, golf balls that complement your game, a golf bag, tees, ball markers, a divot repair tool, a golf glove, a hat to protect yourself from the sun, a golf shirt and not-too-tight pants or shorts, comfortable golf shoes -- and a sense of humor, which will allow you to emotionally deal with duck hooks, topped fairway woods, holes with invisible lids, sudden gusts of wind that punish the innocent, balls that have minds of their own, dodgy rulings by your opponent and partners who are forever saying, “Your hole.”
“Most people play a fair game of golf – if you watch them.”
– American comedian, radio host and author Joey Adams (1911 -1999).
During a practice round at Carnoustie in Scotland the week before the 1975 British Open*, Tom Weiskopf nailed a wind-battered hole-in-one on the 8th hole. But he was miffed when his ace drew very little reaction from the Scottish gallery.
The puzzled pro approached a pair of elderly locals and asked, “Didn’t you see my drive go in the hole?”
“Aye , laddie, we did,” said one of them.
“You saw it, yet you didn’t even clap,” Weiskopf complained.
The second Scot countered, “Boot laddie, it didn’t coont now, did it?”
*In 1975, Tom Watson won his first Open Championship, defeating Jack Newton in an 18-hole playoff.
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf. – Anonymous
Every Country Club has one of these guys – “Mr. Rules: There are two types of golfers – those who have an understanding of the Rules, and those who know them inside out. Whether you have a thorn lodged in your ball or you’ve kicked your opponent’s into a water hazard by accident, Mr. Rules is your go-to guy and he’s there for clarification, not sympathy. Oh, and he’s always right.” (From Golf Monthly, July 27, 2017).
Great Reminder: “Try to remember that a person may be a most indifferent golfer, and yet be a good Christian gentleman, and in some respects worthy of our esteem.” -- Englishman Horace G. Hutchinson (1859 to 1932), who is considered to be the “Father of Golf Instruction.” His books include, from the book Hints on the Game of Golf (1886) and The Badminton Library: Golf (1890).
Golf Is …
“Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” -- Winnie-the-Pooh author A.A. Milne (1882 to 1956).
“The secret of golf is to get a complex mortal to simplify positions and actions as much as possible.” – Tommy Armour (1894 to 1968), who won three Majors: 1927 U.S. Open; 1930 PGA and the 1931 Open Championship.
“Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.” – British-born journalist, author and TV and radio commentator Alistair Cooke (1908 – 2004).
“Golf is a game that everybody quits, but nobody stops playing.” – Bill Davis (1923 – 1991), who founded Golf Digest in 1950 and retired as a Senior Vice President of The New York Times Co. in 1987. He wrote three books: Great Golf Courses of the World, 100 Greatest Golf Courses and The World`s Best Golf.
“One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.” – George Archer (1939 to 2005), winner of 13 PGA Tour events, including the 1969 Masters and 19 Champion Tour tournaments.
“The fact is, I've just discovered the secret of golf. You can't play a really hot game unless you're so miserable that you don't worry over your shots. Take the case of a chip shot, for instance. If you're really wretched, you don't care where the ball is going and so you don't raise your head to see. Grief automatically prevents pressing and over-swinging. Look at the topnotchers. Have you ever seen a happy pro?” -- Ferdinand Dibble, a character in P.G. Wodehouse’s The Heart of a Goof.
Golf Is A Funny Game,
Allan Stark
Credits:
- Photo of golfer in trouble: A. Stark
- Illustration of golfer in trouble: From the book, Mr. Punch’s Golf Library, 1st edition 1909 (Project Gutenberg).
- Illustration of angry golfer: A.B. Frost
- Caricature of Hutchinson (1890) by Leslie Ward, from Vanity Fair magazine.
- Cover of the first edition of The Heart of a Goof, 1926.
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