Live, Laugh, Golf

Summer is here and the world is opening up, lightening up. We can actually see people’s faces, see their smiles. So rather than dwelling on the complexities of the golf swing and the accompanying anxiety over imperfection, I thought this was the perfect time to look at The Lighter Side Of Golf.


Great Advice for Golf Widows: If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. – Anonymous

Golf always makes me so damned angry. -- British monarch King George V (1856 to 1931)

If golfers keep on playing so slowly, on the green particularly, one way to correct the situation is to knock the ball into them. There will be a short delay while you have a hell of a fight, but from then on you’ll move faster. – Horace G. Hutchinson (1859 to 1932), who is considered to be the Father of Golf Instruction. His nine books include Hints on the Game of Golf (1886) and The Badminton Library: Golf (1890). He was a fine player in his own right, winning the (British) Amateur Championship in 1886 and 1887 and having three Top-10 finishes in the Open Championship.

Few things draw two men together more surely than a mutual inability to master golf, coupled with an intense and ever increasing love for the game. – English humorist P.G. Wodehouse (1881 to 1975, who wrote over 100 books, including the golf books, The Clicking of Cuthbert, The Heart of a Goof,  Fore! and Golf Without Tears.

Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers. – Tommy Armour (1894 to 1968), the Silver Scot, won three Majors: 1927 U.S. Open; 1930 PGA and 1931 British Open.

“Never had a lesson in my life” is a phrase uttered with smug satisfaction by a good many people. The correct reply is, of course, ”That’s why you are no better than you are.” – Henry Longhurst (1909 – 1978), who was the golf columnist for the London Sunday Times for 45 years as well as BBC’s senior golf commentator from the late 1950s until his death. 

Most people play a fair game of golf – if you watch them. – American comedian, radio host and author Joey Adams (1911 to 1999).

There is a widely held belief among golfers who finish second in tournaments that they are the tragic victims and have been swindled by the law firm of Destiny, Fate & Luck. – Dan Jenkins (1928 to 2019), from his book, Fairways & Greens.

Scotland is a peculiar land that is the birthplace of golf and sport salmon fishing, a fact which may explain why it is also the birthplace of whiskey. – Humorist Henry Beard (Born 1945)

Never blame yourself for a bad shot. Give yourself a break. The game is hard enough without blaming everything on yourself. Find creative ways to blame something else. I like to blame my bad shots on the magnetic field from alien spacecraft. Let your mind go and see how crazy your excuses can be. Save your sanity. – Professional golfer and TV commentator Gary McCord (Born 1948)

Vodka does not ease back pain. But it does get your mind off it. – Fuzzy Zoeller (born 1951), who has 10 PGA Tour wins, including two Majors, the 1979 Masters and the 1984 U.S. Open. He is one of three golfers to have won the Masters Tournament in his first appearance in the event. Horton Smith won the first Masters in 1934 and Gene Sarazen, who didn’t play in ’34, won in 1935.

One of the great off-the-cuff quotes of all time: “No, my dad was fun.” – Phil Mickelson (Born 1970), when asked if his dad was like Tiger Woods’ father, Earl. 

Play Away!

Allan Stark

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