Good times with Sergio
French philosopher and Nobel Prize winner Henri Bergson (1859 to 1941) wrote, “Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.” That is why when putting together a foursome, it is very important to include someone who knows jokes and takes the art of joke telling seriously.
If “golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle,” then having a world-class joke teller in your group can mean the difference between a great day on the course versus one that will be quickly forgotten.
In fact, a few good jokes told properly should not only make you laugh, they should lead to a more relaxed and easy swing and, as a result, more bets won. Below you will find a few of our favorite golf jokes. Take them to the course or send them to a friend with joke-telling talent.
There is an Englishman and a Scot playing a round together (hard to believe I know). The Englishman tees up his ball on the first hole and snap hooks his drive into the trees. So of course, he tees up another ball and says he's taking a "Mulligan."
Just before he swings, he asks the Scot what they call a "Mulligan" in Scotland. The Scot promptly replies, "We call it three off the tee, you cheatin’ SOB."
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone, but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet, but agrees to the terms.
Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off the 18th hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's a former mini tour pro who liked to look for suckers at the local public courses.
The first fellow reveals that he's the parish priest at the nearby Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the priest back his money.
The priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
Father McLiney woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful Spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He called a younger priest and asked if he would substitute for him because he wasn’t feeling well.
As soon as the young priest left the room, Father McLiney headed out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and said, “You're not going to let him get away with this are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”
Just then Father McLiney hit the ball and it went straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420-yard HOLE IN ONE! Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”
The Lord smiled and replied, “Who's he going to tell?”
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
Buzz Willard was looking for a new caddie one day when his friend John Black said, "I know a great caddie. He is 90 years old, but he has eyes like a hawk."
"Okay then," said Buzz, "Tell him I'm playing again in a week."
The week passed and they started to play. Buzz hit his drive into the left rough and he said to the caddie, "Did you see where it went?"
The caddie said, "Yes."
"Good. Where is it?"
The caddie replied, "I forgot."
Allan (Apparently stuck with an 11 handicap for the winter.)
(Photo credit: myophoto)